Fri. Jan 28th, 2022

Sometimes I hear from wives who are somewhat angry because they miss their unfaithful husband. Many of them have kicked him out. They felt justified in doing this and thought that taking this kind of decisive action might bring them some relief. But, to their surprise and disappointment, they find they still miss him. Many are confused about this reaction. They think that they should feel nothing but anger towards him, but this is not the case.

Someone might say, “I’m ashamed of this, but I miss the husband I kicked out three weeks ago because of his affair. I know that 3 weeks is not that long and I know that an affair is an unforgivable offense.” . But multiple times in every 24 hour period, something will happen and I’ll think ‘oh I have to share this with my husband’ or ‘I have to tell my husband about this’, and then I will realize that I really can’t share this easily. with him because I threw him out. When I get home after a long day, I find myself wishing he was there so we can share dinner. I find myself wishing he could put the kids to bed and I know this isn’t fair to anyone because he made his decision. Call every night to talk to the kids. He tries to talk to me, but I admit that I am quite distant with him. I hang up the phone quickly, but then I find myself wishing I had spoken to him. He sends me text messages and emails, but I delete them. He says if I would give it a chance, I would do this up to me. I’m mad at myself for missing him in this way and even considering his offer. How can I make it stop? “

I think you are being very hard on yourself. For many of us, our husband has been in our lives for many years. Usually we share a home, children, and an extended family. It may not be realistic to think that we can eliminate it from our lives without looking back. My husband and I spent time apart after his affair, and I freely admit that I missed him right away. I can’t imagine how this is not natural. Because regardless of the circumstances, you should expect it to hurt when your other half is fully participating in your life one second, and then the next second, he is not. Just because an affair is the cause of this does not mean that it will hurt less or that you can avoid feeling this emptiness.

As for how to make it stop, I would think or guess that time would eventually take care of that. Since you have children, you will likely have to interact with and watch them for some time. Counseling can help make this transition as healthy as possible. Many couples can move on after an affair regardless of whether they stay together or not, but it only takes time. I found that when my husband and I lived apart, it helped to keep busy and focus on self-improvement and self-care. In short, since I didn’t know what my life would be like in the future, I decided to depend on and focus on myself and my children. I couldn’t control what my husband was doing. But I was able to control myself. So when I felt like I felt sorry for myself or despaired, I would force myself to get up, go for a walk, exercise, or do something that would benefit me, my children, or others. I tried to divert the focus from the matter and put it on something positive about the future.

To be fair, my husband and I finally reconciled. This happened because through counseling and deep soul searching, I came to the honest conclusion that I thought my life would be better with him in it than hers.

But I think you’re being too hard on yourself when you hope not to miss him. Your life has been altered by a mistake that you did not make. That mistake does not mean that your marriage did not happen or that your family did not exist.

By admin

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